Cock Bother

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16 Responses to “Cock Bother”

  1. catofstripes Says:

    Um, a warm friendly squeeze in the appropriate place.

    I’m less worried about your little perforations than poor old Woody. Blind in one eye already? I thought this was a quality dog you were getting your old man! Are they going to operate? (more dosh of course!)

    Well, of course, I’m am in awe of your honesty since even in the anonymous empty amphora of noise that is the internet, it takes guts to talk about sick willies. The mother in me thinks you should take more care washing it and move onto non-biological washing powders but I wouldn’t recommend having a circumcision since I’m advised by one who knows that it’s f painful and enough to make a chap cry.

  2. Stan Says:

    I read that entire post with a face like an eye filled with lemon juice. You repugnant creature, you. I’ve told you before. Castration. It’s the only solution.

    And I can’t believe you called your dog Woody.

    You’re a sick man.

    Good luck.

  3. CET Says:

    i think the best part was the chaperone. πŸ™‚

    i don’t quite know what to say at the moment (my mind’s still filled with far-too-graphic images) except good on ya for telling your story!

    ummm yeah. so…

    poor woody! is he okay? how can he have a cataract already, he’s so young! my chili dog’s going to the vet’s on tuesday to have a host of problems looked into. oh chili dog.

    i hope woody feels better soon! and glad your penis doesn’t look like basra! woo! πŸ™‚

  4. catofstripes Says:

    Blimey, you seem to have knocked all the usual suspects into a cocked hat, as it were.

    I did wonder, as perhaps did they, if it were all a fabrication designed to shock and entertain and I’d be foolish to take it seriously, but decided to let my natural innocence and concern show anyway.

    How’s the dog?

  5. Beat Eczema Says:

    Thanks for this informative post . I think many people were looking a post like this one .

  6. notkeith Says:

    catofstripes: Thought I was going to need to be circumcised at one point. Can’t say the thought appealed. As for Woody, according to the specialist, there’s no need to operate. He can see fine and he’s not in any pain. Just one of those things.

    Oh, and no fabrication. Embellishment? Perhaps. And Woody’s just fine. I think the drop in comments is more down to my desultory output rather than its subject matter.

    Stan: Sick? I’m posting pics next.

    CET: I hope chili dog is feeling better. Woody is currently savaging the cover of the Tesco Direct catalogue at my feet.

    Beat Eczema: Thank you spam robot commenter. I think many people appreciating comment like that.

  7. Selena Says:

    Hiya Not Keith!!! WOW!! Where do I start? OK, not with the drawing- because I’ve seen that one before and I’m sure I’ve given my 1/2 cent thoughts on it already.

    So, I guess that leaves me with either your willy or your woody.

    Let’s talk about Woody. I’m so sorry to hear that he has a cataract. If I were able to I’d give him a puppy cookie to help ease his pain, I would. He’d get all the cookies I could find in the area and then some, even if I had to steal them from small children. A child’s tears mean nothing if they help Woody deal with his cataract!* However, I am happy to know that he’s fine and it’s just one of those dog things, like hip dysplasia, urinary tract infections, & eyes popping out (in the case of pugs.) I’m sure Woody will not let it hold him down! Give him a good scratch behind the ears for me πŸ™‚

    Ok, onwards!

    I find all this talk of your willy fascinating. Circumcised penises are the norm here in the states. So, when I was imagining (due to your vivid imagery-I had no choice) the fissures and rents on a circumcised penis- I was horrified! Then when I realized that you weren’t snipped and thought, “well, that’s not so bad.” Whaaaa? I don’t know why my mind somehow feels that chapping/scabs/fissures are dreadful on a circumcised penis, but not so bad to one that still has it’s foreskin. Thankfully, through some pondering and reflection, I have come up with a reasoning. It’s not a good one, but I think it’s funny- so I’m going to share:

    Ahem, “I realized that in my mind an uncircumcised penius has what I equate to rhinoceros hide or perhaps armadillo armor.” I know- Cramazing! Sometimes I’d really like to know just who’s in charge of my thoughts; so I can fire them.

    Also, “Cock Bother”- I read that and immediately the melody for B-52’s Rock Lobster song started playing…

    Lastly, perhaps this is one reason you have so much phallic imagery in a lot of your art. Perhaps it stems from the fact that you have been dealing with this chapping since pubescence…Just a thought… and we know how stupid those can be (see above)

    Anyhow, I’m glad that your cock woes are over on the physical front & good luck on causing some on the emotional (and also physical) level with some lucky gal round your way.

    * I do not steal candy or cookies from children and children’s tears do mean something.

  8. pete23 Says:

    ah, keith. should be up in burnley in july – we should go to drinking establishments and compare penile dysfunctions. see you then – assume you’re on the same pigeonhole. our children can laugh, fight over cartoon characters and pull each other’s hair whilst we attempt to bare the remnants of our soul in the hope of there being some value remaining.

    mine’s a cider:-)

  9. emmak Says:

    So glad your cock is feeling better! and I am angry because for some reason I could not see the cartoon of your cock. Oh woe is me! Can you put it up again??

  10. emmak Says:

    ok! now the cartoon has loaded but I don’t geddit …. a bunch of celebrity penises? what has that to do with your scabby cock. This is all too highbrow for me πŸ˜‰

  11. notkeith Says:

    Selena: Wow. Your comments are longer than my posts. Woody really is fine, you know. The specialist said that dogs can get by fine with one eye and that operating would have no guarantee of success. It’s not an expense thing (I think mentioning how much the scan cost has made it look like that was my primary concern and not Woody’s eyesight) – he’s insured. And as for my cock, I’m beginning to think that the alternative title I had in mind for this post – Too Much Information – may well have been the right one. And I’ll never be able to listen to Rock Lobster again without inserting the words “cock bother”. IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT.

    Pete: Hiya! Drink we must. I might have a Peroni, or Italian Wifebeater as it’s known round these parts. Soul-bearing and cock comparisons a-go-go. And yes, we must bring “the children”.

    EmmaK: Thanks for the good wishes towards my cock. I will be sure to pass them on. I know I should have posted a photo. Sadly, my penis now looks like Scarlett Johansson, so wouldn’t make a suitable accompaniment to the words. Man!

  12. Selena Says:

    Yeah- sorry about that.
    Sometimes I suffer from verbal diarrhea 😦

  13. notkeith Says:

    No apology necessary. Mi casa es su casa.

  14. Selena Says:

    Β‘Gracias, muchacho!

  15. Wellington Says:

    Sorry to hear about all that cock bother – what a blinking nuisance, eh?

    Mind you, I’d say that Lisa must be rather remarkable to have endured it for as long as she did. I’m sure she enjoyed the company of your non-naked self also, but what the heck use is that in a casual sex-orientated relationship?

    A belated good luck to you on the getting laid side of things. I reckon you ought to get cracking with that. Make the most of peace in Basra while it lasts.

    Should be easier than usual to get some sex in Burnley at the moment, shouldn’t it? What with all the football related rejoicing going on there right now. Surely the locals are all drinking and dancing in the streets, looking for some cock bother?

  16. notkeith Says:

    Wellington: Since half the local population were at Wembley yesterday, Burnley’s been a bit of a ghost town. There hasn’t been much dancing. The odd tooted horn and cars decked out with claret and blue flags is about it thus far. And minibuses rolling up late at night and depositing some slightly bewildered blokes in football kits onto the pavement.

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